My school is small. It’s not tiny, but small. With a student population in the 400-500 range it’s easy to know everyone fairly well. That’s a good thing. That’s also a bad thing.
What? How can it be bad to work in a school where you get to know all your students well?
It’s bad because you get to know all your students well.
I love my kids at school. I get happy for them when things are going good for them. I get sad for them when they’re going through hard times.
This week, my heart has been breaking for a few of them. The kids in this school are MY kids whether I have them in class or not. I’m thinking I shouldn’t feel that way.
I had a situation yesterday with a student and I reacted as April/parent and not as Ms. Estep. Because of the surprising nature of some news I received I also didn’t react with as much diplomacy/tact as I should have. The student’s parent called, spoke with one of my administrators, and I got called on it.
I was asked to apologize (which I had already planned to do) and told to be more careful in the future.
So, I’ll be more careful. I’ll still care about my kids. I’ll still tell them I love them and remind them to make good decisions as they leave my class. My heart will still break for them for as long as I decide to this job.
Honestly, I’m not sure how people retire from teaching. This week has drained me. This week…which has been 2 actual days of teaching…has been almost too much. I’m sure tomorrow will be better and I’m sure there will be good days to give me a lift. But, 10-something years into this gig and I’m just not sure how people deal with it all.
For the record, I’m not upset that the parent called or that my boss told me to apologize. I’m upset with myself for not knowing where that line is…how much caring is just enough and not too much? How much of a reaction is okay and how much is not okay? I’m just trying to figure it out.